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Lewis C. Lin
My Employee Sighs and Argues When I Give Feedback
Dear Lewis,
I need guidance with a frustrating employee. When I provide feedback, they sigh and argue, making it challenging to offer constructive criticism. While they occasionally receive feedback well, the negative behavior persists for 95% of the time.
They are reasonably intelligent, but their attitude is a major hurdle. They resort to excuses, blaming, and passive-aggressive behavior.
How can I effectively demonstrate both appropriate and inappropriate ways of receiving constructive criticism? Moreover, how can I showcase the ideal course of action following such feedback?
Seeking your advice,
Frustrated Manager
Dear Frustrated Manager,
I’ve had plenty of defensive employees, so I’m with you. Let’s walk through some typical reactions to constructive feedback — including dismissive and argumentative behavior. Then I’ll recommend the optimal response followed with some examples.
Bad Reactions to Feedback
Here are a few responses to constructive feedback that your employee should avoid:
No response or ignore: This shows a lack of respect and disinterest in personal growth.
Replying with "Got it, thanks": It is dismissive and fails to acknowledge the importance of the feedback.
Replying with "I don't see it the same way...": This response can be defensive and indicates an unwillingness to accept responsibility.
Replying with "I'll work on it in the coming months...": It demonstrates a lack of urgency and commitment to improvement.
Replying with "You're missing some context...": This response can be perceived as deflecting blame and not taking ownership of the issue.
The Optimal Response to Feedback
Now, the most optimal way for your employee to respond to your feedback:
EMPLOYEE: I hear you loud and clear. Working on it... starting now. In fact, in 5 minutes, I'm going to try this new approach to address it.
Or even better:
EMPLOYEE: Since you told me that feedback yesterday, here are the 5 things I'm going to try, starting from this week to address it. New tactic 1, 2 … 5.
This response showcases active listening, a sincere acknowledgment of the feedback, and a commitment to immediate action. It reflects a growth mindset and a willingness to learn and improve from mistakes.
Dialogue Examples
Here’s a sample dialogue that models the desired behavior:
Example 1: Responding to Problems Meeting Deadlines
MANAGER: I've noticed that you've been struggling to meet deadlines lately. It's important that we stay on track to ensure the success of our projects.
POOR EMPLOYEE RESPONSE: I don't see it the same way... I think I've been doing fine.
IDEAL EMPLOYEE RESPONSE: I appreciate your feedback, and I take it seriously. Starting immediately, I will implement a new time management technique to address this issue.
Example 2: Responding to Poor Presentation Skills
MANAGER: Your presentations could use some improvement. They're not engaging enough, and I think you could do a better job of conveying your ideas.
POOR EMPLOYEE RESPONSE: Got it, thanks.
IDEAL EMPLOYEE RESPONSE: I understand the importance of addressing this concern. To tackle it head-on, I will adopt the Rule of Three to make my presentations more impactful and easier to follow.
Need guidance with management or employee challenges? Look no further—I'm here to lend a hand. Just respond to this email with your questions, and rest assured your identity will remain anonymous.